One Step at a Time
by StarkLovesShawarma
Summary: On Logan's birthday, he's suprised with a wonderful gift. Something happens that will changes the course of Kendall Knight and Carlos Garcia's lives forever. Kendall/Carlos.
1. Gone

**I wanted to write something completely serious. Here we go. I'm sorry I keep putting lyrics into my stories, but i find songs that amazingly fit. really. 'One Step at a Time - Four Year Strong.' Listen to it, and love it. Lyrics in italics. This is gonna be a multi chapter story.**

**I don't own Big Time Rush or anything you recognize in this.**

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Big Time Rush was expected to become famous, entertaining people and girls around the world with their catchy music. But now, in one night, everything in the course of Kendall Knight and Carlos Garcia's lives were about to change...forever.

_Sometimes it's hard to say the right thing_  
_The right way on the hardest day of your life_  
_Breathe in, breathe out, it'll be okay_  
_Breathe in, breathe out, I know it's hard to say_

_And every year November gets closer_  
_And every year it gets a little bit colder_  
_Breathe in, breathe out, it'll be okay_  
_Be strong, hold on, make it through the day_

"I can't believe I finally got it!" Logan smiled brightly as he walked out from the DMV with his three best friends trailing close behind. He held a small laminated card in his hands, staring at the dashing picture of himself. It was November 10th, Logan Mitchell's seventeenth birthday. Latley, he had been teasing the guys about how he was now the oldest of their quartet. Ms. Knight suddenly appered infront of the fair skinned boy, a grin painted to her face. Logan jerked back, suprised. He had barley seen her approaching in the night's dim light.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands sweetie!" Ms. Knight cheerfully ordered as Logan obeyed immediately. Holding out his hands, the teen felt something cold and metal lay against the skin of his palm. Slowly pulling his eyelids open, he gasped at what he saw. Car keys! And when the boys lead Logan over to the mystery vehicle, his mouth dropped. In the parking space was a brand new Ford Fusion, gleaming a beautiful pale green color. Ms. Knight clapped her hands together. "Gustavo wanted me to tell you Happy Birthday," she grinned as Logan stared at his amazing new vehicle. He couldn't believe that their egotistical producer had bought him something so nice! Carlos jumped from nowhere an excited look on his face.

"We have to take it out tonight! Can we Ms. Knight?!" The dark skinned boy pleaded as the mother tapped her chin. As she smiled, the teens cheered as they all piled into the car, Logan in the drivers seat. Carlos strapped his helmet to his head.

"But I want you home no later than tweleve, got it?" Ms. Knight shouted into the passanger window, James gave the thumbs up as Logan pulled away. Kendall and Carlos sat in the backseat, leaned up and talking excitedly to their friends about how amazing this new car was, and what they should do for the night. Logan had currently stopped at a red light and was waiting patiently. The chatter and excitement was putting a grin on his face. He seriosuly had the best friends a guy could ask for. As the streetlight turned green, the teenager slowly hit the gas. Pulling from the lane, bright lights illuminated the right side of the car, causing the boys to squint. And then, it happened. All Carlos could remember was Logan screaming, as James reached for his seatbelt. And then, it was blank.

_Breathe in, breathe out, it'll be okay_

Kendall's green eyes opened slowly. The left side of his face had a rough sensation radiating through it, and he observed that his cheek was squished against black pavement. A sudden shock of pain shot through his body as he shakily stood. His vision was blurry, and he could faintly hear the wails of fire truck sirens in the distance. Then, he spotted Carlos, laying on the ground face up. Kendall quickly stumbled over to him and kneeled, shaking his shoulders. Carlos' brown eyes lingeringly opened, staring up at Kendall. "Carlos! Carlos, are you alright?!" The blonde asked hastily, helping the latino to sit up.

"Yeah, I'm fine. W-what happened?" Carlos hazily wondered as he stripped his head of his helmet, rubbing his sweaty hair. Kendall had no idea what had happened, as he had also just woken up from his daze. His eyes scanned over the area, and then saw Logan's new car. But it didn't look so new. The metal was twisted, and the vehicle was on it's side. Kendall stood, his heart beginning to race. His eyes darted about, looking for any sign of Logan and James. Nothing. Suddenly ignoring the pain shooting through his legs, Kendall ran towards the green car. The fire trucks sirens had grown dangerously close.

"LOGAN? JAMES?" He screamed, before he reached the vehicle. Finally coming up to it, Kendall peered into the smashed in passenger seat window. His pupils imedietly dialated, his heart jumping to his throat. James was still seated in the chair, his blank eyes staring forward. Blood had begun to trickle from his lip as he sat... lifeless. The red liquid was dripping from the sandy haired boy's neck, a cut going straight through it. Carlos had made his way up to Kendall, and the blonde whipped himself around. "GET BACK!" He screamed, tears beginning to fill his eyes as he attempted to pry the crumpled door open. Carlos' eyes grew wide as he realized what Kendall must have seen. Tears began to trail down his dirty cheeks as he watched his best friend frantically test his strength against the demolished vehicle. No use. Suddenly, two firemen ran up to the distraught boy, tearing him away from the car. Kendall screamed at them as police officers held him back.

"Please son, get back, we'll get them out!" A dark skinned man reassured Kendall as he and his partner held what looked like giant hedge clippers in their hands. "_Them?"_Kendall thought as he and Carlos stared, full water works streaming from their eyes as they helplessly watched. The jaws of life pryed the door from the busted vehicle, tearing it right of with ease. "ALRIGHT BOYS, LET'S FLIP IT!" The man shouted as three other firemen ran over, pushing the car back onto all four wheels. Stretchers were immedietly rushed over to the car as the men pulled the two limp bodies from inside. Carlos could barley breath. _"It'll be okay, theyre gonna be okay_..." Carlos whispered to himself as they placed the teenaged bodies on the rolling beds. Kendall overheard this and began to sob, because he had already found James' fate.

"I've got a pulse!" A woman screamed out from inside one of the ambulances, causing the two boys to dart to the rescue vehicle. There he was, Logan, laying on the stretcher, an oxygen mask placed over his mouth and nose. sure enough, the machine beside of him read out a pulse, an incessive beeping noise coming from it. Kendall and Carlos' eyes were wide with fear as they looked over their friend's body. His arm was obviously broken because the snow white bone poked from the underside of Logan's elbow. His entire clothing was covered with blood. The most noticable injury was how bruised his face and neck were. His skin was beginning to fade into a deep purple, as Carlos choked back a tear. Then, his eyes opened.

"Guys?" Logan weakly breathed out, his mouth shaking in the process. Kendall instinctivly grasped the injured boy's hand, straining to hold a smile on his face.

"Logan, its me, Kendall. Carlos is here too, youre gonna be okay dude, we promise." Kendall sniffled out as Carlos bit back a sob. Logan's mouth turned into a smirk.

"N-nothings wrong with me..." He smiled, coughing a little bit in the process. His two friends shakily chuckled. Then, he had to ask that question. "W-where's James?" Logan stammered out, making Kendall's grip on his hand tighten. The blonde's eyes drifted over to Carlos' who told him everything. The latino shoved his face into his palms, fully crying now as the ambulance began to pull away. Kendall turned back to Logan.

"He's just in the car, he's fine." Kendall lied, making Logan snort.

"Proabably combing his hair..." Logan laughed out weakly, causing blood to seep from his mouth. Kendall closed his eyes, letting the sounds of the sirens fill his ears.

_Breathe in, breathe out, it'll be okay_  
_Be strong, hold on, make it through the day_

Kendall and Carlos stood with stiff posture, trying with all their might not to break down and sob. The fact that their suits were stale and uncomfortable was drowned out by their sorrow. Glancing over at his mother, Kendall saw the tears fall from her eyes as she held Katie tightly in a hug. Beside them, was the Mitchells and Diamonds. Their crying sounded like nails on a chalk board to the two teens as a piano began to play in the background. Walking up the long aisle of the chuch, Carlos and Kendall came up to their best friends. Carlos gripped Kendall's arm with a tight hold, letting a whine escape his lips. Logan and James looked so peaceful in their suits, their eyes closed. The silk surrounding the teens was beautiful, and looked like a comforable place for them to rest. Their caskets were gleaming, covered with roses. At that very moment, it all came back to Kendall.

A semi truck had shone its headlights brightly onto the side of the little car. Logan screamed as James fumbled with his seat belt. Kendall had backed up into Carlos on the oposite side of the car, their yelling being covered up by the loud honking of the truck driver's horn. Then, it smashed into them. James' seat belt cut across his throat, instantly slitting it, spurting blood out infront of his body. By that time, the airbag had deployed, shooting out at Logan, snapping his neck back. Kendall and Carlos held on for dear life as they were thrown from the car, hitting the pavement with knock out force.

Kendall's knees hit the churches floor as he broke down. Carlos fell beside him, holding him tightly as they sobbed together. Nothing would ever be the same...theyre gone.

_One step at a time_  
_One foot in front of the other_  
_I'm gonna get through this one way or another_  
_Cause I know it's warmer where you are_  
_Cause no matter how far the view_  
_I still always look up to you_

_The sun takes a second to sink in_  
_That your life will never gonna be the same again_  
_Breathe in, breathe out, it'll be okay_  
_Breathe in, they say the pain will fade away_


	2. Cold

**Yes, I killed them! Hate me! Haha, sorry I did that, I just wanted to write something super dramatic. Hope you guys keep reading despite. This chapter includes lyrics from another song, "Flannel is the Color of My Energy - Four Year Strong." Its great. It also includes the last song as well. And if it seems like Kendall and Carlos are dating in this chapter, they're not!**

I don't own Big Time Rush or anything else you recognize.

The cemetary was cold and dark, the grey, puffy rain clouds of Minnesota blocking out the sun. Despite the light drizzle of water showering from the sky, it was appaernt that everyone was crying. There were various people attending this funeral, which showed why everyone was so upset. Logan and James were wonderful people. As the pastor read in a strong tone from the black Bible in his hands, Kendall stared into the two six foot deep holes infront of him. He could hardly imagine that his two of his best friends, people he had known his entire life, were about to be buried in the dirt underneath his feet. His emerald eyes drifted to his immediate left, to Carlos. His usually bright brown eyes had faded dim as he stared into the earth at the two caskets. His hand had slipped together with Kendall's, intertwining their wet fingers. Then, the preacher stopped reading and sent the gathering into prayer. "Lord of Heaven above, please take these two children into your kingdom. They are sinners Lord, but we pray that you can forgive them for any wrongs they might have performed. We put them in your hands now Lord. Amen." Trumpets began to play as the caskets began to lower into the wet earth.

"Wait! I have something to say!" Kendall suddenly looked at Carlos, who had spoken up out of nowhere. The preacher nodded as the latino's hand slipped away from his friend's and walked from out under the umbrella Kendall was holding to where the preacher had stood. The rain had immediately begun to soak Carlos, his suit clinging to his body. His short black hair stuck to his forehead. Sucking in a gulp of air, he began. "I've known Logan and James all of my life. It seemed like they were taken so abruptly from this world. They've been there for me and Kendall no matter what, and I know they'll continue from above. I just wanted to say...how much I loved these two people, and that love will never stop. I pray for their families, because you know I love you guys too. T-thats all...that's all I wanted to say." A pained look consumed Carlos' face as he hurriedly walked away, pushing past Kendall as everyone was in full tears now. The blonde turned, following Carlos as he was now running. The damp grass squished beneath his dress shoes as he moved as fast as he could. The shorter teen reached all the way to the parking lot before he dropped down to the wet pavement of the parking lot, his chest puffing in and out from exhaustion. Kendall caught him, bringing the umbrella over his friend to block the rain. He kneeled next to his best friend, his arm sliding around his shoulders.

"Carlos, that was beautiful." The blonde coaxed his friend to look at him. Carlos just heaved, his breath short from running so far and crying. "Carlos..." Kendall dropped the umbrella to the side and plopped down onto the asphault, pulling Carlos into a hug. Giving in, the Latino collapsed into his best friend, clutching the back of his suit for dear life.

"I'm so glad I didn't lose you too Kendall...I'm so so glad! My God Kendall, I love you!" Carlos sobbed into his Kendall's neck as the blonde craddled him, stroaking his dripping hair. Shivering, he realized how cold he was, but he didn't care. All that mattered now was that Carlos was still here. He was alive.

"I love you too Carlos..."

_ I'm gonna get through this one way or another  
__ Cause I know it's warmer where you are  
__ Cause no matter how far the view, I still always look up to you  
__ I'll never forget the day my heart fell from my chest  
__ It was the moment that I said goodbye, and I laid your body to rest  
__ I'll never take this life for granted. I'm living it for two  
__And since you're always the one who sang the songs  
__ And I'll be singing this one for you_

Gustavo had been kind enough to pay to fly the boys to Minnesota, attend the funeral, and fly them back home. He had even come to the ceremony himself, Kelly along side of him, her eyes filled with tears the entire time. Ms. Knight, Katie, Carlos, and Kendall walked into the apartment, and flicked on the lights. It was exactly the same in appearance, bright and modern, but the emotion that drifted through it tore at their hearts. They all stayed silent, even Katie was sadly quiet as she walked into her room and shut the door. Ms. Knight gave both boys a kiss on the forehead and an sympathetic smile before heading into her room. Carlos and Kendall stared at each other before turning to their rooms and shutting the doors. The blonde flopped down on his bed, staring over at the empty one that Logan had slept in next to his. He could not help it now, he let the tears flow as he sat up, ripping the black tie from his collar and burrying his face in his palms. Logan was his first friend he had ever met. Even before Carlos or James. He had taught Logan to play hockey for God's sake! And Kendall couldn't believe this had all happened a week ago, on Logan's seventeenth birthday. He was so excited to be getting his license, and Kendall admitted he was jealous of his friend. He let out a fresh sob at the thought of his friend's face when he saw his new car.

_Breathe in, breathe out, it'll be okay._

Carlos was sitting on the edge of the bathtub in his restroom. He was silent, letting untold amounts of tears drip from his eyelashes as he stared at his lap. For some reason, no sound left his mouth, but he cried. The room was incredibly empty without his friend. The scent of Cuda Massive Hold hairspray still lingered in the air as Carlos inhaled deeply. James was his first friend. When he moved to Minnesota, he was alone with no one to talk to, untill a certain swoopy haired boy walked up to him and smiled. He remembered it perfectly. Carlos had thought James was going to be some stuck up douche bag who cared way too much about his hair. Well, at least he got one thing right. James was a sweetheart, caring about everyone that came into his life. Why did he have to die, especially the way he did?! Carlos threw the can of hairspray he held at the wall as he cried.

_Breathe in, breathe out, it'll be okay  
__ Breathe in, they say the pain will fade away _

Hearing something loudly hit the wall in Carlos' room, Kendall jumped from his bed and ran over to his friend's room, opening the door. Rushing inside, he found Carlos laying on James' bed, sobbing into his pillow. Kendall sat onto the bed and rubbed Carlos' back. "I miss them too..." Kendall's eyebrows turned upward as he watched his friend basically breaking down infront of him. Carlos sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Why did they have to die?!" Carlos asked hypothetically, but secretly wishing he could obtain the answer. Kendall, for some reason had calmed himself. He felt it his responsibility to comfort his friend.

"I don't know Carlos, but do you think they'd want us sitting around moping about it?" Kendall questioned, his voice dripping with care. His hispanic friend sniffled, as the blonde ran the back of his hand over the other's cheeks, wiping away his tears. Even though Carlos' heart was being stabbed with pain, he couldn't help but to nod as he stared into Kendall's green eyes. No, James and Logan would not like them to be sitting around, sobbing and crying their eyes out. But still, who could blame them? Kendall pulled Carlos into another warm hug, bringing their bodies to the surface of the soft bed. No matter how gay they looked at the moment, they didn't care. They were both hurt, and they needed comfort. They felt somewhat lucky to still have each other.

_ Cause I don't want to live another day without your company  
__ I'm think I'm talking us half to death  
__So let me take a breath so I can learn a little more about you  
__I can't hear a thing  
__ You're breaking up, you're breaking up  
__ Did you fall asleep? Cause I won't sleep or wake at all_

Their dreams were showered with shattered glass. Twisted, green metal scattered across the floor. Fire truck's sirens blaring in their skulls. Blood covering their dirty faces. Trumpets playing, rain falling, and bodies in boxes. Earth squishing underneath their fancy shoes. Friends six feet under. No breath, just being cold. And something different...discovered love.


	3. Beep

**inspiration rises from mysterious places. well, its not in question where i got it from. anyway, it doesn't really matter. I'm sorry for this chapter's short length, but I needed to continue this, and I thought this was a good jumping off point.**

i do not own Big Time Rush or anything else you may recognize in this.

_The feeling was abysmal. The agonizing pain was indescribably horrific, and Kendall wasn't even the one laying in the hospital bed. Something about hospitals disturbed him. How a place could be so sterile but thousands of lives were exhausted in them every day._

_Oh, God. This isn't happening._

_The incessant beeping. It taunted him, mocking his eyes as his pupils traced every spike in the tiny red line. Beep. Beep. Beep..._

_Carlos couldn't bare to remain in the room, his despondency getting the better of him. But Kendall couldn't bring his emotions to let him leave._

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_A small strip of gauze was taped to Kendall's forehead, a blot of red staining its white color. Blood. And the machine ridiculed him further. His eyes are still following the line, the spikes growing smaller before him. Fingers running through his dirty golden hair, his attention turns to the bed._

_He didn't deserve this...Why not me, God?_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_Kendall scrutinized the boy in the bed. His friend. He hadn't recalled him being this pale. This was all too bizarre, terribly surreal. A neck brace. A cast. An IV._

_A long, thick tube fed down his skinny throat._

_This sound was even more repulsive than the heart monitor's. Artificial breath. A constant gasping noise, a breathing tube keeping the poor boy alive. Was it worth it? It sounded rushed, panicked even. Kendall didn't like it, it made him nauseated. But, he wouldn't leave. He couldn't. No matter how unnatural this feeling was. Never. _

_The bruises were the hardest part. His once perfect ivory skin, now defaced by purples and blues, his face swollen. He looked down right pathetic. But he was still beautiful to Kendall. He always would be. Always. A tepid streak stained his face. A silent tear. He wish he could trade places with the boy in the bed. Kendall closed his eyes, praying this was all an abhorrent dream. A hallucination. No. It was reality, and Kendall was facing it._

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Gasp._

_The night sky was deep purple. Kendall had abide with his hunger for too long, depriving himself of food so he could stay by his side all day. Carlos' heart was far too weak to see him in that condition, so he only arose about once every hour. He offered to bring Kendall food from the hospital's cafeteria, in which the blonde nodded. No speaking. He was saving his breath for it._

_For him._

_While waiting for Carlos, Kendall's head rested on the pure white sheets, his face pressed against his friend's limp hand. The beep still taunted him, acting as a lullaby, making his eyelids heavy. His eyes closing, Kendall pressed his lips to a finger, softly. Then, it stirred. He moved. The blonde shot up, gazing down at the boy in the bed. Deep brown eyes gradually opened, umbrageous. When he realized he could not speak, he remained calm. The drips of morphine stabilized him. He looked lamentable, artificially breathing. And Kendall cried, the first sound erupting from him all day. "Logan," his voice cracked the air. The brunette did not respond. He couldn't._

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Gasp._

_His pale skin was clammy as he laced his fingers into Kendall's, locking them together. His dark eyebrows turned up, as if he was calling out for help. Pleading for Kendall to save him. But there was no cry, no plea. Just artificial breath. And Kendall cried._

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Gasp._

_Logan's sister was deaf. Being as adept as he was, throughout his childhood the seventeen year old taught himself the challenging and intricate ways of sign language. Over the course of one year, the boy in the bed had learned the language completely. And he had taught Kendall, too._

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Gasp._

_Their fingers unwound, Kendall longing for his touch immediately after. Logan shakily brought his hands into the air above him, and moved them about, wincing in slight pain as his broken arm shifted. The boy spoke to Kendall silently._

_"Forever and always, I'll love you."_

_And Kendall cried, listening to his artificial breath. His hands rose, replying to his friend._

_"Always and Forever, I'll love you too."_

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Gasp._

_The machine continued to deride Kendall, as Logan's eyelids fell. The constant beeps ceased, and the spiked red line fell flat. One long beep, and Kendall cried. There was no longer the unnatural gasping sound. _

_Why not me, God? Why? _

_And Logan was gone. Never coming back. _

_Collapsing to his knees, Kendall sobbed. His love was never returning to this world. _

_Beeeeeeeeep. _

_And the machine taunted him._


End file.
